Understanding Dementia-Related Agitation

As an elder law attorney, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside countless families navigating the challenges of aging, illness, and long-term care. I understand difficulties families face when a loved one with dementia becomes agitated, and the person you’ve known your whole life suddenly lashes out, confused and afraid. These are not just clinical episodes—they are deeply personal and often heartbreaking moments that test families and caregivers alike.

At the intersection of law, care, and compassion, it is crucial to recognize that dementia doesn’t erase a person’s dignity. It challenges us to protect it even more fiercely.

For those living with dementia, agitation is often not intentional—it is a form of communication. When the brain’s ability to process language or recognize surroundings declines, distress can surface in ways that appear aggressive or irrational. But behind that behavior is still a person who deserves to be seen, heard, and respected.

Meet Loved Ones Where They Are. The law can provide structure, protections, and guidance—but it cannot replace the day-to-day decisions made by those caring for someone with dementia. What makes the greatest impact isn't legal intervention—it's the moment-to-moment choices to respond with calm, validation, and compassion.

Evidence-based strategies from dementia care specialists emphasize what truly matters in these encounters:

• Stay calm and slow down – Emotional tone is contagious; your steadiness creates safety.

• Validate emotions over correcting facts – It’s more important to acknowledge feelings than to argue with reality. If they think the sky is green, who does it hurt?

• Offer dignity always – Legal rights aside, respect is non-negotiable.

• Minimize environmental triggers – Bright lights, noise, or clutter can overwhelm and confuse.

• Check for physical causes – Discomfort, illness, or unmet needs often fuel agitation.

• Use redirection, not confrontation – Gentle, open-ended questions help diffuse tension.

• Say “yes” when you can – Affirmation builds trust, even when you need to redirect.

• Engage the senses – Familiar music, gentle touch, and soothing scents can bring grounding comfort.

Why It Matters—for Families and the Law

Behind every adult struggling with dementia is a person with rights, history, and loved ones. Their agitation is not rebellion but vulnerability. How we respond, both legally and emotionally, reflects our collective values.

When caregivers meet these moments with patience and skill, they do more than reduce conflict. They preserve connection, love, and humanity in the face of one of life’s greatest challenges.

If you are navigating these issues, know that you’re not alone. Legal and practical resources are available to help you honor your loved one’s needs with confidence and care. Our on staff care coordinators can help you adapt to a changing reality, and guide you through the emotional side of care while our lawyers and paralegals help you through the financial.

Attorney Halley C. Allaire is principal in the law firm of Allaire Elder Law, a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, Inc., with an office at 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a note to Attorney Halley C. Allaire and your question may be discussed in a future column.