Free Will

The best thing about having free will is that you can do what you think is right. As long as you don’t hurt others, of course. The basic human dignity that comes from determining your own path is invaluable. As we all know, freedom is not a given. Those who have it should count themselves among the lucky. I have watched countless individuals fiercely guard their freedom, and their right to self-determination. But there is an old saying- a lawyer who represents themselves have a fool for a client. Sometimes it is good to hear the viewpoint of others. In the very least at least listen to what they have to say and why.

People are resilient. We have an amazing ability to continue on in the face of adversity. We keep walking without a cane or walker, even though others say we need it for safety. Sometimes we surprise them with how far our determination can take us.. Other times there is an unfortunate fall that could have been avoided. It is important to stay independent not only for one’s own sense of self worth and purpose but also because “if you don’t use it, you lose it.”

The children of clients frequently describe their mom or dad by saying “they’re stubborn.” It is with a mix of pride and worry. The parent is doing more than the kids think they can, or should, which is admirable in a way. But more than likely nature catches up. They make a mistake. It might be a fall, double paying a bill, or something worse. In my grandmother’s case, she was home alone, refusing to use the stair glide her living children had installed. It was impressive this 90-year-old was doing so well. Until one night- the night before my sister’s wedding, in fact- she fell down those stairs and landed in the ER. If she had only been humble enough to accept the help of the stair glide, she would not have spent the next few years in assisted living.

My father has always said that in our country you can make your own decisions. That is a wonderful thing. We are allowed to make bad decisions. What is right for one person might be wrong for another. But we get to choose for ourselves. What I suggest is that we accept the advice of others. Especially those who love us. Be open to the conversation. Encourage it. You never know what you might learn.

Attorney Halley C. Allaire is principal in the law firm of Allaire Elder Law, a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, Inc., with an office at 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a note to Attorney Halley C. Allaire and your question may be discussed in a future column.