Help Please

“Help please!” my daughter asks. It sounds more like “Hep Peas”, but it is always stated without pride or frustration. “Hep Peas,” as a fact. It could be help putting on her shoes, reaching for a snack, opening the toothpaste or refilling her water. “Hep Peas, Mama.” So I help, grateful she knows her limits. Grateful she still needs me. I also love “Hand,” when she insists we hold hands either to go down stairs, or cross a road, or fall asleep. “Hand,” she insists, and I wonder if it’s more for me than her sometimes.

My little girls need a lot of help now. It’s a phase of her life that I’m happy to be a part of, even at 2am. These phases happen throughout life for everyone. There are countless times in my life that a task or relationship would have been made easier if I had simply said “Help Please” sooner. It isn’t a failure. It takes wisdom to realize when help is needed, and strength to admit that. Sometimes it’s actually a way to indicate to others that you trust and respect them. I often ask my daughter for help putting away the clean dishes, or grabbing a fresh diaper. She feels so big, to be able to help another. It is also a great way to train someone how to do something right, so when you aren’t able to direct them you know everything will be done well.

Our children teach us so much. I don’t think they ever stop learning from us, but one day she will be a capable adult who can truly help me. One day I will need it. How lucky I am, to have an eager helper. Not everyone does, but I have seen many clients that refuse the help offered. Sometimes to their detriment.

As a person ages, some tasks become difficult. Some just become tiresome. At a certain age, a person earns the right to just take a break even from what they can do. If you have a trusted helper, is it really so terrible if they chip in? Perhaps they just write out the check while you watch, and have you sign to ensure all the bills are paid on time without any duplicate payments. Perhaps they bring a meal over, which is a great excuse for a visit. Perhaps they notice that having someone else around would help make the home a safer place. As difficult as it may be some day to accept that companionship is needed, if your loved ones see you have a need, that is a form of help they are giving you. Truth to power, as it were. I have heard more than once that families do not want to pay someone to just “sit around any play on their phone.” I feel the same way about the neighborhood teenagers on date night! But it would not be a successful day without them. Their help isn’t constant. Nor should it be! A person should be able to retain as much independence as possible. But their help should be present, and available. So that when you’re ready, they will hear you say, “Help Please.”

Attorney Halley C. Allaire is principal in the law firm of Allaire Elder Law, a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, Inc., with an office at 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a note to Attorney Halley C. Allaire and your question may be discussed in a future column.Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a written note to either attorney at Allaire Elder Law, LLC, 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, CT 06010, and they may use your question in a future column.