I Can't Remember

I can’t remember how many times people with dementia have answered questions with those three words. It could simply be forgetting something for a moment. Everyone does from time to time. But if it is a regular and near complete occurrence, then it means two things: the ability to make decisions is impaired and some other family member or trusted person must be given the power to make financial and health care decisions if you cannot. That is where a power of attorney and health care directive are a must, because when a person’s memory becomes so impaired that rational decisions cannot be made, someone has to do it. When I was a Navy lawyer in the JAG Corps, the high command had a simple unavoidable rule: every new recruit should do power of attorney, a living will, and a will to pass on assets if the worst occurred. Why did the Navy have this strict rule? Because every one of those young sailors might by assigned to commands where it might be difficult to communicate with the outside world, or had some risk of being hurt and unable to handle their own financial affairs for a period of time.

Although the normal civilian does not have the risk of sudden deployment, there is always the risk of temporary or permanent mental incapacity. Let’s face it, that does happen to a certain percentage of the population every year, and the older you get, the odds of temporary or permanent incapacity increases. If that were to happen to you, would you prefer a court to make those decisions for financial and health care matters, or would you prefer a trusted family member? If married, the usual choice is your spouse, with one or more children as a backup. Regardless of who you would want, it is much simpler, and more certain if you name the person you want to handle financial matters and health care decisions in case you have a stroke or slide into incapacity, over the years. You may want a different person for those two roles, depending on their background and temperament. If your daughter is a nurse, she may be a logical choice for the health care decision maker. But if she would be too emotional on end of life decisions, then maybe someone else would be your choice.

For power of attorney, the person you choose should have good financial judgment and be totally trustworthy. That’s usually the spouse, or one or more children. Once those documents are in place, you can feel comfortable that the person you choose can handle needed health and financial decisions until you recover your mental abilities, or until you pass away.

If you have been married for years, and your spouse has normal memory and careful decision making skills, then that is the logical choice. If not, then your most responsible child may be the next best choice. Keep in mind that a power of attorney, or a living will doesn’t take away power from you. And unless you become incapable, you can always revoke those documents and name someone else.

So what do you remember about the preceding discussion? Get those most critical documents of power of attorney and living will and will done now, in case some sudden event, or slow decline should render you incapable of making your own decisions.

Attorney Halley C. Allaire is principal in the law firm of Allaire Elder Law, a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, Inc., with an office at 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a note to Attorney Halley C. Allaire and your question may be discussed in a future column.Farmington Avenue, Bristol, (860) 259-1500, or on the web at www.allaireelderlaw.com. If you have a question, send a written note to either attorney at Allaire Elder Law, LLC, 271 Farmington Avenue, Bristol, CT 06010, and they may use your question in a future column.